Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
