cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Also, beer. Big fan.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
