OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
