I'm lost and stupid without you.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
