I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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