Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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