i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
