I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
