We're facebook friends in real life
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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