If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
