I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize