i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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