Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Randomize
