I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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