Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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