Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
