Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
