omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize