I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
