Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
