Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
