she woke up with a sticky ear
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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