just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
