If you die in college, do you die in real life?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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