This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
