I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize