soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
