it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
