She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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