Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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