apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
