i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
