Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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