...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
