the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
