Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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