Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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