If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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