when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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