The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
