Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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