Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
