I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
