dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
