Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
