he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize