low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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