Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
