Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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