she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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