Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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