Small penises have feelings too.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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