I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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