I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
