seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
