Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
