oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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