I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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