Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
