All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
