he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
