Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
