His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
