Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize