Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I think I am morally bankrupt
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
