make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
