So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
