I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize