It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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